In defense of, and ripping of, Bill Simmons (Dane Cook gets no defense)

September 18, 2007

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An epic battle of two celebrities sports bloggers love to hate has started: Bill Simmons vs. Dane Cook. Simmons has said before that Dane Cook isn’t funny, and Cook, hosting an ESPN.com chat yesterday, fired back at ESPN’s The Sports Guy.

Dane Cook: (10:04 AM ET ) It was nice to do something outside of my wheelhouse. Mr. Brooks was a blast to play, such a deviant, despicable guy. It was almost like being Bill Simmons for a day…Once again, who the hell is Bill Simmons?

So whose side am I on in a battle between two overhyped internet celebrities — Simmons’ side. Years ago, Simmons was one of the most entertaining sports writers on the Internet and was funny. Simmons isn’t nearly as good as he used to be, but he can still be a good read sometimes. Dane Cook was never funny. Ever. How a bad comedian gets to be a lead actor in Hollywood I’ll never figure out. Cook has also managed to be MLB’s spokesman in their commercials for the playoffs, which are horrible, much worse than Tommy Lasorda’s postseason commercials from a year ago.

Simmons also wrote something to piss me off. I actually enjoyed reading his defense of the Patriots column last week, but his Boston Blog entry on Monday went too far. He wrote:

We live in a world in which global-warming activists charter private jets to take them from speech to speech, then tell people not to use so much toilet paper. We live in a world in which American kids are getting killed every day in the Middle East and nobody will mobilize a valid protest until the President finally decides, “We’re having a draft lottery.” …..

So save me the moral indignation about CameraGate. The whole world is screwed up. We watch football every week because the games are entertaining, because it’s something to do, because it gives us something to discuss with our friends, co-workers and family members.

Wow. Bill, you’ve gotten worked up a lot about sports yourself before. We all do. How many thousands of words have you written about the NBA Draft lottery system, or about how horrible of a coach Doc Rivers is? Was your moral indignation OK? If you really cared much about those issues, why don’t you start Iraq war protests and write about those hypocritical global-warming activists?

Sports fans always get worked up about sports — you too. So Bill, don’t go on a moral high ground here when it comes to talking about important issues because you’re a part of the problem you think exists — how much time does Simmons spend writing about something as important as sports?

If people cared about the important issues and not sports, Bill Simmons’ wouldn’t have the nice job and popularity he does.

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9 Responses to “In defense of, and ripping of, Bill Simmons (Dane Cook gets no defense)”


  1. Thank you. I love Bill Simmons, but I read that article of his this morning and cringed. I understand he’s a Patriots’ fan and will defend them to the death, but he did get just a tad high-and-mighty on his readers with that “It’s only a game; there are bigger problems in the world” defense…

  2. Gilbert Says:

    Yeah, it’s ok to defend your team, but don’t pull the “there’s more important issues in the world” defense.

  3. kiamori Says:

    “there‚Äôs more important issues in the world” is common sense no need to repeat it right.

  4. luisa Says:

    but Dane Cook is FIT, so really he can say whatever he likes as long as we can see his face + body …

  5. Obama Says:

    Im On Dane Cook’s Side For This.

  6. Steve Says:

    Is there some sort of rivalry between cook and this sports guy I’m missing? Apart from a flippant comment from Dane, this blog doesn’t really drive home the point I think the writer intended. Or is it me?

    Either way they all suck balls.

  7. Tanner Says:

    Bill Simmons USED to be good.

    I read most of his book, then stopped, because it was full of bullshit and homerism.

    I GURANTEE he has never played basketball at anything remotely close to “B” level 8th grade.

    A boston homer that used to be funny. Much like the rest of ESPN.


  8. Nice blog here! Additionally your web site lots up fast! What host are you the usage of? Can I am getting your associate link in your host? I desire my site loaded up as quickly as yours lol

  9. Lauren Says:

    Dane cook is funnier then this simmons guy in fact i dont think that any comedian will match his funnyness im a big fan of dane and i find him funny unlike sorry saps who have no clue what comedy today is which ISNT sports writers get with the new age dane is funny this simmons guy is not which is probably because i havent seen anything about him


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