Coaches going south to recruit for speed

In light of the SEC’s recent dominance, mostly due to the South’s abundance of speed, football coaches have begun recruiting further and further south in hopes of finding even faster recruits.

It all began when a fed up Jim Tressel began recruiting players from Mexico and South America. But LSU coach Les Miles and his SEC pals did them one better, went even further south and established a recruiting stronghold over Antarctica.

“These players down south can really fly,” Miles said.

Unknown to the rest of the world for centuries, Antarctica has been a breeding ground for the speediest talent, because of its location on the southernmost point of the globe.

“I really thought we’d win a championship with the players we got, but those players the SEC got are so fast, there’s really nothing I can do to keep up with them,” Tressel said. “The recruits are only interested in fish, so they’re going to go to a school by the coast. Of course, Pete gives them a free house anyway.”